Bored ?

I realise that while on this attachment, those of us who are very free (myself included) shouldn't just waste away all our time surfing facebook or random wikipedia articles. I think that this is a really good time to pick up something to read. You might pick a storybook, or if you're pretty religious, I guess you could read your Bible, Quran, Dao De Jing, Vedas, Mahabharata, or Ramayana or reflect upon yourself (or all of the above). I think that beats just sitting there trying to look busy. And maybe you'll learn something.

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Clicking.
That's pretty much the key to a good friendship (stole the line from Uzzismo).
But unfortunately, I feel like a very specialised enzyme that only processes very few kinds of rare substrate.

Or maybe I get friends like black swan events. Note that friends and acquaintances are different, but an acquaintance might become a friend. On the other hand, I'm not entirely miserable, I'm pretty okay with doing my own thang, but it is nice to go out with friends once in a while. Too often and its called going to class. I've yet to find a good balance.

If you were wondering about this black swan stuff, Nassim Nicholas Taleb came up with it.He obviously got something right.


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The Nkt Psyche (Very Long)


I think my psyche has been composed of being rather isolated throughout most of secondary school. So although I'm not enjoying it all, I'm not very surprised either.

In Sec 1, before transferring, I tried, but the whole class couldn't understand any of my jokes. Fortunately there was a guy who could get about half of them. So, to entertain myself, I picked up the bad habit of Magic the Gathering, and made a few friends with the Sec 5. But then they had to focus on 'O's eventually right ?

Then in Sec 2, I got transferred. Transferred far away that is. And it would be the norm for me to get up by 5, be barely on time or late for school, do the fuckshit stuff, then reach home at about 7.45pm, so obviously, it would be really inconvenient for me to 'hang out' (thus I didn't). Also, having arrived a year late, the cliques had generally coagulated.

By the time I left the school, I think the impression that I left was that of being lousy at Chinese, a bit sarcastic, a bit aggressive, a bit anti-religious, not good at light hearted conversation, a bit crazy, and quite a lot unfriendly.

Example:
Chinese New Year. We were supposed to pool money (about $3 each) to use to buy shit and decorate our classrooms. I felt that it was a act of wastage (I still do BTW), so I went around writing on the whiteboard of every class that was in the same year as us, kind of protesting against it. I wrote ,"Why are we paying $2++ each for a 3 in 8 roulette chance of winning a 70 cent cheap plastic file and and a 30 cent snack made in malaysia ? In the end the decorations are still going to be thrown away"

3 in 8 because there were 3 prizes, all the same, and there were 8 classes. 37.5% chance of getting a 'prize'

I got into trouble, and got called out. The teacher in the next class who didn't like my class said that "I wrote something offensive on his classes' whiteboard" I replied that what I wrote was not offensive, for it did not insult anyone. And I wrote it on many other classes' whiteboards too. Then I asked if I was wrong. End of argument, I got sent back to class with a pathetic excuse for a warning.

A few classes got my message and didn't decorate, however I was disappointed that my class people went ahead and decorated the room anyway. So we won, and got our shitty plastic file and 'super' rings. But in the bigger picture, it definitely wasn't a win.

During the first 3 months of JC, I tried putting in a bit of effort into making friends acquaintances, mainly because it was the only objective (otherwise I'd have gone to find work)
It took me a while to start up, and I doubt I made a good impression on my orientation people. Mainly because of the lousy conversational skills thing. But I'm pretty glad for having went for the first three months, because I don't think that I'd have started being less sedentary if I hadn't gone.

So then comes poly. Due to the mutual unfamiliarity, I stick with YJ. Eventually, he gets more familiar and leaves the formation. I tried going to NPSU, Epic fail. More recently, I've just been a shield.

Used to ram, used for knock-back blows.
Used as cover from the hail of arrows.
Yet in modern fencing, thrown away,
In favour of modern Olympic poking swordplay.

So now where am I now? It really doesn't look much better yet. Yet. Because there is still hope.I wouldn't be doing the things I'm doing if I felt that there was no way that they'd work out.