My life has pretty much settled into a comfortable, mundane loop. This makes me uneasy. Stagnation is never good.
I can actually break down my time spent in a day into a chart of percentages and exhaustive list of things I do, but I'm too embarrassed to put any of the details up here, because you probably have more fingers.
Because I've been doing the same things, looking at them the same way, and mopping them up the same way, I've had nothing much to say about nothing.
Also, I've haven't had real, meaningful conversation with anyone (much less a girl) for a week plus. Just a lot of technical jargon and/or facts here and there. Some for working, some for fighting.
[I guess I talk mostly like that too =( ]
But I think I have managed to find my close friends, yet we are not very close. For some reason distance and commitments keep us from meeting. Yet when we meet, we also don't have very much to say, and seem mostly contented to bask in each others company.
As for the rest of my little world, I don't know what everyone else is thinking. I try not to care, but in the lapses that I do, I get a little uneasy from their judging, but eventually figure that it mostly never really mattered anyway. I throw in a snide jibe now and then to see if it makes a difference. Maybe I get to incense a few I don't particularly like, but really, nothing gained or lost.
I try my best not to make shit matter, and improve what can be, for when we walk the final journey, we still have to walk alone. A higher being may watch, but still I got to make myself happy.
Maybe I have forced sensory deprivation on myself.
